When I was younger I lived by the coast in Kent, England.
I used to love walking down to the beach with my dog and/or with friends and spending the whole day on the helter skelter.
I would grab one of the rough horsehair mats and walk up the creaky wooden stairs to the top of the helter skelter where I would put my feet and lower legs inside the rough matting bag before whizzing down screaming with laughter.
This painting (oil on canvas) by Stanley Spencer reminds me of those wonderful carefree days of my childhood.

Stanley Spencer - Helter Skelter, Hampstead Heath (1937)

Looking at this picture, I almost forget that Stanley Spencer also produced work that was considered by some people to be very controversial, these pieces included those of his second wife Patricia Preece created in the 1930’s.
His more explicit work angered many within the English art establishment who subsequently threatened to have Stanley Spencer prosecuted for obscenity.

I like the work of Stanley Spencer, I like everything that I have seen, from the innocent pieces to his sexual and more primitive art.
But today as I am sitting here reminiscing about my childhood this image particularly appeals to me.

GIBRALTAR

A couple were invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party.
She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone.
He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good time being spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.

The wife, after sleeping soundly for one hour, awakened without pain, and as it was still early, she decided to go to the party.
In as much as her husband did not know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
She joined the party and soon spotted her husband cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice female he could, flirting a little here and a sneaking a little kiss there.

His wife sidled up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his partner high and dry and devoted his time to the new talent that had just arrived.
She let him go as far as he wished; naturally, since he was her husband.
Finally he whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had a little romp.

Just before unmasking at midnight, she slipped away and went home and put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make for his behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in and asked what kind of a time he had.
He said, “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance.
“When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown, and some other guys, so we went into the den and played poker all evening.
“But I’ll tell you one thing … the guy I loaned my costume to sure had a real good time!”

A wooden mask Richard Purchased in SRI LANKA

GERMANY

I love cars, and at the moment top of my lust list is the fabulous Caterham Seven Superlight R500.

It’s nearly 4pm here, the sky is so dark I can hardly see the keyboard, and outside rain is pouring down, but I would still happily whizz off in a Caterham Seven R500 - if only I had one.
Not the best time of year for such a car I know, but I love it!

I could ramble on and on about how fabulous this car is, and list all the official gumph about the Caterham Seven Superlight R500 - but I am way too lazy, and, well there isn’t that much to list.
This car has been stripped of any luxury to just the bare essentials, to save weight.

But for those people who like stats here’s the most important ~
Caterham Seven Superlight R500
Engine: 2.0-litre Caterham Powertrain (CPT) Ford Duratec
Max Power (bhp/rpm) 263bhp @ 8500rpm
Max Torque (lbs ft/rpm) 177 lbsft @ 7200rpm
Weight 506kg (516kg sequential gearbox)
0-60mph 2.88 seconds
Power-to-weight 520bhp-per-tonne
Top Speed 150mph
Price from £36,995

Obviously if you are not too concerned about weight you can go crazy and add some of the extras available, which include a heater, and a full roll cage.
I think I would sacrifice a little weight gain for a heater because I am always cold, and I think a roll cage would be a much appreciated option for us, but that’s probably because Richard rolled our Subaru Impreza several times and killed him (the car) - thankfully Richard was completely unscathed.
The Caterham Seven Superlight R500 does 0-60mph in 2.88 seconds, that’s Bugatti Veyron territory, but with a much smaller price tag! What’s not to love?

The Caterham Seven Superlight R550 has been described by the press as the best drivers car ever made, and from what I know about it I think that’s correct - now if only Father Christmas would deliver one to me I could find out for myself.

I love love love Caterham, I always have. I know the Caterham Seven Superlight R550 may be very basic but it reportedly takes your breath away - what more do you need to know? Nothing!

FRANCE

Greig Howe is clearly serious about his love of Christmas, so much so that he has a 35ft Christmas tree which is so tall it reaches up through three floors of his home.

Greig Howe cut the huge tree into three pieces to fit it into his house, the bottom piece has 10ft long branches and is situated in the lounge, the middle piece is squeezed into the spare bedroom above the lounge, and the top piece of the tree, which measures 15ft, is situated on the roof directly above the spare bedroom.
So from the outside the huge Christmas tree appears to be in one piece which shoots up through all three floors of the house.

Greig paid £250 for the tree which is decorated with 160 large baubles, 2,000 LED lights, and a star perched on the very top.

Greig, 35, from Bournemouth, Dorset, England said, “I had it in mind because that corner of the house is perfect for it and I really wanted to give the kids a Christmas they wouldn’t forget.
“From the outside it is a bit of an optical illusion because it appears to be one huge tree that has shot up through the ceilings and floorboards and out through the roof.
“People keep stopping and laughing at it and my 11-year-old son Harry absolutely loves it.”

Greig Howe runs a company that designs and builds skate parks, he is father to three sons, Harry, Roni, 3, and Finn, 12-months-old. He purchased the huge tree from a private yard in the New Forest.
Greig and a friend used a chainsaw to chop it into three parts before they towed it to Greig’s six bed detached house.
Apparently it took Greig and seven friends two whole days to manoeuvre the tree into the three positions. They even had to remove a bay window to squeeze the tree inside.
Greig, said, “The two sections that are inside are about 10ft tall and go right up from floor to ceiling.
“It starts off in the lounge with the bottom of the trunk which is about a foot wide and the tree naturally tapers all the way up.
“The branches are 10ft long so it is a bit of a tight fit to get in the lounge.
“There were a hell of a lot of needles to clear up afterwards but it was all worth it because it looks great.”

ENGLAND

U.S. President George W Bush is attacked by an Iraqi reporter with a shoe - followed by a second shoe.

Obviously this reporter felt passionate, otherwise he wouldn’t have thrown his shoes at the President of the United States of America, but I wonder if as soon as he had thrown his shoes he regretted this particular mode of suicide?

The US have given George Bush the boot, this Iraqi reporter gave George Bush the shoe - all George Bush needs now is a suitcase so he can pack up all of his belongings and bugger off for good!

EGYPT

A couple of days ago we purchased an Airwick Freshmatic Starter Kit Sparkling Citrus.
The main reason I bought it was because although Richard very thoughtfully smokes most of his cigarettes outside on the terrace, occasionally he does smoke the odd cigarette indoors, and as I dislike the smell of cigarette smoke I wanted something to disguise the smell.
At our local Carrefour supermarket there were so many air fresheners to choose from that I didn’t know which to buy.
I have seen the television adverts for the Airwick Freshmatic and I thought it was yet another unwanted and unneeded gadget; what’s wrong with opening a window and letting some real fresh air in? It’s too bloody cold that’s what’s wrong with it!
So I decided that this one would do; I know they are all much the same anyway, and the Airwick Freshmatic Starter Kit Sparkling Citrus scented one was on special offer, reduced from approximately 9 Euros to 4 Euros.

Here’s the official gumph ~
The Airwick Freshmatic Starter Kit -
Keep your home or office smelling fresh! Dispenser can be set at intervals of 9, 18 or 36 minutes to provide an automatic release of fragrance.
1 refill provides up to 60 days of continuous air deodorization.
Starter kit includes:
1 dispenser
2 AA batteries
Metered 8.45 fl. oz. refill

We set Airwick Freshmatic to dispense a squirt of air freshener every 36 minutes.
The first few times the air freshener dispensed a burst of Sparkling Citrus scent into the room it made us jump.
It’s not exactly noisy, but as we were not used to it, it surprised us.
We are used to the noise it makes now, and the scent is fairly pleasant.

No doubt, now that I have purchased this air freshener, and as often occurs in my life, I will read a report which claims that use of these ‘air fresheners’ definitely causes cancer; I know there have been health concerns about the phthalates in these products.
But breathing second hand cigarette smoke can also cause cancer, and as I definitely prefer the smell of the Airwick air freshener to Richard’s cigarettes, I’ll take my chances.

So to sumize, if you are lazy like we are and find having to push the button on a manual air freshener too tiring then the Airwick Freshmatic air freshener could be just the thing for you.
Or as Richard likes to call it the ‘Airwick Asthmatic’ air freshener - because when it sprays it sounds like somebody wheezing.

DUBAI

I like this painting by Edward Burra.

The Snack Bar 1930 by Edward Burra
oil on canvas

Belgium

A man and a woman who had never met before, and were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on an overnight train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a compartment, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper bunk and she in the lower.

At 1:00am, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying, “Ma’am, I’m sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? I’m awfully cold.”

“I have a better idea,” she replied. “Just for tonight, let’s pretend that we’re married.”

“Wow! That’s a great idea!” he exclaimed.

“Good,” she replied. “Get your own damn blanket.”

After a moment of silence, he farted.

Austria

I like the idea of these coil sprung shoes more than the actual shoes.
I’m sure they are very comfortable, but they are clunky and unfeminine.

Here’s the official blurb ~
Z-CoiL Taos Strap
Classic Mary Jane style with Z-CoiL® technology
Full-grain cowhide leather upper
Lined with breathable spandex® to provide support around the foot
Extra-soft, felt-lined insole
Adjustable Velcro® strap across instep

Obviously these shoes are mainly aimed at people who suffer from common medical conditions including, Achilles Tendonitis, arthritic/joint pain, hip pain, and back pain, etc.
There are lots of websites selling this style and several other styles including, trainers and sandals, whose appearance is equally mad!
Several celebrities have been photographed wearing Z-Coil footwear including Helena Bonham Carter.
I have no idea how much they cost, the prices are on application!

ANDORRA

A short video Richard shot - He says “Just a quicky!!!! Proving I have to much time on my hands.”

ZIMBABWE