Zeitgeist
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Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

19
Nov

Norwegian Artist Jens Werner Paints His House in Burberry Tartan Design

Posted in Animals, Fashion and Accessories, Funny Pictures, Jokes, News  by Laura on November 19th, 2009

I wonder what Burberry will make of the Norwegian artist who has painted the exterior of his house, which used to be a public toilet, in the brand’s signature Haymarket check?
Artist Jens Werner, 33, has covered his entire house in the famous beige, black and red tartan design. Jens Werner lives in Larvik, and he said the painting took several weeks and cost thousands of pounds.
Jens said he thought it would be ‘a fun idea’ to repaint his house, which he has owned for six years.

Burberry is over 150 years old, and is worn by lots of celebrities including Alexa Chung and Agyness Deyn.
The Burberry brand was commissioned by the War Office to adapt coats for officers which would be suitable for the conditions of contemporary warfare. When the war ended the macs became popular with civilians.
Burberry’s signature print, the Haymarket check, became incredibly popular in the 1990’s with football fans and then the chav generation took a liking for the design, and millions of cheap imitations were sold at markets across Britain.
Daniella Westbrook, an actress on the BBC 1 soap EastEnders, is often blamed for the chav love affair with Burberry after she was papped whilst out with her daughter, both of them were dressed head-to-toe in Burberry tartan, even the pushchair was in the matching design.
Burberry fought hard to rid itself of its association, with ‘Chavs’ and U.S. businesswoman Rose Marie Bravo transformed the brand’s image after joining the company in 1998. She set about Burberry’s renaissance using Kate Moss, Rachel Weisz, and Emma Watson to star in its advertising campaigns.

I’m not sure Rose Marie Bravo has completely managed to rid Burberry of its Chav associations, as the Haymarket check is still pretty common.
I definitely wouldn’t wear it, or any other piece of Burberry clothing for that matter, which is a shame as I do like some of their stuff, especially their coats, but I still associate Burberry with the word chav!

When I first saw the photos of Jens Werner’s Burberry check painted house I thought it was a photoshop project - maybe it is!

Posted on Zeutgeist

Life in France


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10
Nov

The Armstrong and Miller Show, RAF Airmen’s Escape Plan ~ Video

Posted in Jokes, Videos  by Laura on November 10th, 2009

I love Armstrong and Miller. I think the RAF airmen characters are my favourite.
This sketch from last Fridays episode is very funny. :o

Ben Millers character, “They want to go to Switzerland or something.”
Alexander Armstrongs character, “They does all skiing and shit and snowboarding there isn’t it.”
Ben Millers character, “For real.” :o

Posted on ZEITGEIST

Life in France


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4
Nov

Revenge of the Animals

Posted in Funny Pictures, Jokes  by Laura on November 4th, 2009

Revenge of the animals.
Let’s milk this son of a bitch!

Posted on ZEITGEIST

The Wine Connoisseur


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27
Oct

L’Oreal Creating New Treatment to Turn Grey Hair Back to Original Colour?

Posted in Beauty, Jokes, News  by Laura on October 27th, 2009

I recently saw a headline which read, ‘Goodbye to grey hair, revolutionary new treatment turns greying hair back to its original colour’.

The article was about a potentially wonderful new treatment from L’Oreal. It said that according to the experts at Centre Charles Zviak, L’Oreal’s research and development HQ, the possibility of returning grey hair to its original colour is science, not fiction.
Such is the excitement surrounding this potential new product that for the first time ever British journalists were invited to L’Oreals research centre at Clichy, which is in the northern suburbs of Paris. The journalist who wrote the article I read was invited to the conference room to hear about the latest advances in hair colour.

Patricia Pineau, L’Oreal’s Research Communications Director said, “Hair is an enigma. It is a fibre, a material with physical properties. It is also a living organ that grows, greys and falls out. How can we fight this? Do we need a physical approach or a biological approach?”

Scientists have long pondered the topic of grey hair. Eugene Schueller first established L’Oreal 100 years ago on the Rue Royale in Paris, with hair colour being the company’s main concern.
L’Oreal reportedly spends a fortune on hair colour research, double the amount spent by its competitors. Last year L’Oreal reportedly spent £581 million.

In the conference room at L’Oreal’s research and development HQ Patricia Pineau explained that hair, like skin, contains melanocytes, which are pigment cells that give hair its colour.
She said, “When hair goes grey, there is a progressive disappearance of the melanocytes from the hair. While there are still melanocytes in the hair, there is still hope that it could be re-pigmented.”
She went on to say that the treatment should hopefully be available within ten years, and it will probably be an oral treatment to be used alongside a range of haircare products.

L’Oreal were asked if by developing this new treatment they would be shooting themselves in the foot because if women don’t need to dye their grey hair anymore then they won’t be purchasing L’Oreal hair dye.
L’Oreal made no comment.

As well as this innovative new treatment for grey hair, L’Oreal has also reportedly another scientific breakthrough which tackles the damage caused to hair by dyeing. Dyeing hair leaves it rougher and far more susceptible to breaking.
Traditionally hair dyes use ammonia to remove the colour from hair, once the colour has been stripped away the dye pigments re-colour the hair.
Jean-Marc Ascione, L’Oreal’s dapper Research International Hair Colour Director explained that ammonia does a great job, but it has unpleasant side-effects including aroma and it stings.
L’Oreal has invented a new hair colourant called INOA; Innovation No Ammonia, that is much gentler on the hair. According to L’Oreal it is so gentle that it actually improves the condition of the hair every time you use it, resulting in hair being reverted back to its pre-dyed condition - almost!
The first batch of INOA was recently made available to salons, and it sold out fast.

Unfortunately the darker shades of hair dye still contain PPD; paraphenylenediamine, which is known to cause allergic dermatitis, but in other ways, INOA is a seen as a major advance.
Celebrity hair colourist Jo Hansford has been using INOA at her salon in Mayfair, London, she said, “This is exciting because it’s revolutionary. It is much less aggressive and there is far less fade, which is a huge bonus for the customer, especially for women with fine hair.”

If you are interested in visiting a hair salon that uses INOA visit www.lorealprofessionnel.co.uk/salonlocator or phone 0800 072 6699.

Initially when I saw this article I couldn’t wait to find out what the product was called, how much it cost, and where could I purchase it. Just reading the headline made this product sound like it could be the answer to one of my beauty prayers. It was in fact like most things though, and not my holy grail in hair care.
If and when L’Oreal, or any of the other leading hair treatment companies, do market this new product, I won’t be using it.
Although I would truly love it if I never saw another grey hair on my head, after giving it some thought, I doubt I would feel comfortable taking a pill to achieve that result.
Obviously this new treatment will undergo tests before it is available for consumers, but taking an oral treatment to cover grey hair can’t be very good for internal organs, so I’ll leave this alone and continue to dye my hair with traditional dyes.
In fact, I purchased a hair dye a few months ago which is still sitting unopened in my bathroom, because I am too lazy to use it, and also because I am aware that hair dyes are not particularly good for health either.
I am getting more grey hairs with each new day, so I’m sure it won’t be too much longer before I open the box and cover my grey, but right now I just can’t be bothered, and as the winter weather arrives I’ll be able to hide my grey hair with a hat.
As far as I know, hats are not bad for health, maybe hats are the new hair dye? :o

Posted on ZEITGEIST

Life in France


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19
Oct

It’s not the jeans that make your bum look fat …….

Posted in Jokes  by Laura on October 19th, 2009

It’s not the jeans that make your bum look fat.
It’s the fat. :o

Posted on Zeitgeist

Life in France


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13
Oct

How Smart is Your Right Foot?

Posted in Jokes, Topsy~Turvy  by Laura on October 13th, 2009

This exercise is reportedly from an Orthopaedic surgeon.
This will confuse your mind, and you will keep trying it repeatedly to see if you can outsmart your foot, but, you can’t - or can you? :o

Are you sitting comfortably? Then I’ll begin …

  1. While sitting at your desk in front of your computer, lift your right foot off the floor and make clockwise circles.
  2. Now, while doing this, draw the number ‘6′ in the air with your right hand. Your foot will change direction.

I know this is stupid, but it’s also lighthearted and harmless. :o

Posted on Zeitgeist

The Wine Connoisseur


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8
Oct

English is a difficult language ……. True story from the Japanese Embassy in the US

Posted in Jokes  by Laura on October 8th, 2009

Published on Zeitgeist

LIFE IN THE SLOW LANE



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8
Oct

The 21 secrets you never need to share

Posted in Jokes  by Laura on October 8th, 2009

The 21 secrets you never need to share ~

  1. That you do pelvic-floor exercises to get you through that really dull meeting.
  2. You got ever so drunk one night, pulled the horrible, but inexplicably magnetic, barman in your local, and it was HOT.
  3. That you once dreamt you snogged your uncle, not even the slightly good looking one.
  4. About the one time you just couldn’t wait and peed in the bush outside your house.
  5. Every now and then, you have to pluck out an extremely long, blonde facial hair.
  6. You’ve tried desperately not to, but you still fancy one of your boyfriend’s friends.
  7. You sometimes irrationally fret that ghosts do exist and thus your long-dead grandma can see every little immoral thing you do.
  8. Whenever you walk past a building site you pretend to talk on your mobile to avoid the ‘Alright, sweetheart?’ sleazy chat.
  9. You shoplifted a Snickers when you were 12 - and felt a delicious thrill at getting away with it.
  10. You talk to your cat in a baby voice.
  11. The insane jealousy you feel for your little sister, who looks just like you - only younger. Not fair.
  12. That you couldn’t find Poland on a map if your life depended on it.
  13. You’ll never understand why people think sex on the beach is romantic. You want sand there?!
  14. You sometimes fantasize that your infuriatingly me-me-me colleague has a horrible accident and loses her voice.
  15. That you think your friend’s baby looks a bit like Yoda from Star Wars.
  16. Your local MP could be called Delilah Stardust for all you know.
  17. You’ve been known to look at Facebook pictures up to, oh, three times a day.
  18. You go to art galleries to feel sophisticated, but are actually largely bored.
  19. That you once read his text messages and then felt really guilty because there was nothing remotely incriminating.
  20. You agree with Sex And The City’s Samantha that, “They don’t call it a blow job for nothing, honey.”
  21. That the gorgeous three-course “home-cooked” meal you served his parents wasn’t just food, it was M&S food.

I was sent this in an email. It’s mildly amusing, although I don’t agree with most of the things listed!
I’m sure I could think of 21 far more amusing things - but they’d be too naughty for me to post! :o

Posted on Zeitgeist

The Wine Connoisseur


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20
Aug

Doctor explains the treatment for Urga Lurga Disease …

Posted in Jokes  by Laura on August 20th, 2009

A Doctor explains the diagnosis to his patient.
The Doctor says, “Unfortunately its Urga Lurga disease and its very dangerous.”
The patient says, “How do you treat that Doctor?”
The Doctor replies, “Well, once hospitalised we feed you on sliced processed cheese on Ryvita.”
The patient says, “And that will cure me?”
The Doctor laughs and say, “Oh no, its the only thing we can slide under the door.” :o

RICHARDS REALM


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18
Aug

Life Explained

Posted in Jokes  by Laura on August 18th, 2009

On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past.
“For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.”

The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
So God agreed.

On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh.
“For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”

The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the Dog did?”
And God agreed.

On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family.
“For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”

The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty, and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed again.

On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, sleep, play, marry, and enjoy your life.
“For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”

But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back, the ten the monkey gave back, and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
God replied, “Okay, you asked for it.”

So that is why for our first twenty years we eat, sleep, play, and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years we slave in the sun to support ourselves.
For the next ten years we do monkey tricks.
And for the last ten years we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone. :o

Life has now been explained to you. :o

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A friend emailed this to me, it made me laugh, so I thought I’d post it!

The Wine Connoisseur


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